How have you made it clear?

[Margee]

In what ways have you tried to make it clear to friends, family, co workers, etc. about who you are. I have a few 'closer' people in my life (who I want to keep as friends) and I want to sit down with them and tell them who I really am.I just want them to understand me.

 I had a 'woman gathering' last night at my house (never again!) and this type of topic came up about personalities.There was about 12 woman. (family and friends) I tried to tell the girls about me and they had a hard time believing me because of the fact that I am not shy (because of my work as a hairdresser).

One friend was actually hurt when I tried to explain that I needed a lot of alone time. She said: 'So don't you want to socialize at all?' I tried so hard to explain - but they just don't seem to get it!

They looked at me as if I were from a different planet! My best friend who is about to move away, came to my defence. I am going to miss her sooooooooo much!

I feel exhausted this morning.

Have you wrote letters, sat down and gently told them?? Please - How have you made it clear?  Thank you and sincerely, Margee

[FallenofTrack]

Well, Margee, unfortunately some people will never get it even if it is explained to them in a very clear way.  Some people view things a certain way, and no amount of explaining will make them see things differently.  That's just how it is going to be with them, unless and until they really decide to sit down and think about it, and try to see things from your perspective. 

In my personal experience, the person I have spoken too the most about my introversion has been my younger sister.  She is in college, so off course she is meeting a lot of people and starting to really appreciate and respect the differences amongst people, and she is very open to learning, so we have been able to have some serious conversations about things like personality types.  Just the other day, she and I talked more in depth about introversion, and she asked me questions about some of the differences between introversion and extroversion, and she told me that she had actually been tested as an INTJ.  At first, I was surprised that she was also an introvert but then when I realy stopped to think about it, I can very well see how she is an introvert.  She is outgoing and can be a bit crazy, but she also doesn't mind spending time by herself and recharging by herself.  So we had a really good conversation about all of that.

The other person that I have tried to talk too is my mom, but she still isn't as understanding.  She sees my personality type as more of a hinderance for me to do certain things.  But she is a forceful person so whatever she says ends up sounding more aggressive and negative than it actually might be. 

[agreenbough]

You know, I feel kind of guilty to complain about how my MIL doesn't get it when I've never sat her down and tried to explain myself. But when I tried to explain to my husband, he didn't seem to get it either. And if he lives with me and doesn't understand, I doubt it would really do any good. I know a lot of people who think behavior is all learned, so introverts (or addicts, or gamblers, or gay people, whatever) should just be able to make a decison to be otherwise and all would be well. You hear people make comments to that effect all the time. Like we are the way we are because we chose to be, when that's just not the case.
I could use some advice on how to tell people I don't hate them, I just don't need to talk to them every day, and I'd prefer they stay in a hotel because I need my privacy.

[Nannycat]

As I said in another topic, as I work on my confidence and I accept myself without the need of all the approval, I feel much better. (I am still working on this!)

I feel that the more truthful and honest I am with family, friends and co-workers, the more comfortable, safe, and non-threatening they feel with me.  I become vulnerable when I get honest about me. A few people might be turned off by some of my characteristics, some might even try to ridicule me. I have to live with this and accept it.  Some will just not understand. They want you to be like them.

But those who would really like to be a part of my life, in the long run will respect and recognize who I am and will be inspired to trust me that I am not rejecting them because of them. It is about me and my personality.

 I try to show them my values, I even share some of my shortcomings.

 People will respect you for this more than you might think. I feel it is a major trust building factor.  

[Margee]

I feel that the more truthful and honest I am with family, friends and co-workers, the more comfortable, safe, and non-threatening they feel with me.  I become vulnerable when I get honest about me. A few people might be turned off by some of my characteristics, some might even try to ridicule me. I have to live with this and accept it.  Some will just not understand. They want you to be like them.

But those who would really like to be a part of my life, in the long run will respect and recognize who I am and will be inspired to trust me that I am not rejecting them because of them. It is about me and my personality.
 I try to show them my values, I even share some of my shortcomings.

  I feel it is a major trust building factor.  





BINGO! Thanks to you all! Sincerely, Margee

[Derek]

Hey Margee, I just tell it like it is in a friendly sort of fashion. If they look at me weird and say they don't understand, I just laugh and tell them I don't understand me either!  I am who I am. I try to be friendly to everyone. When I need a break , I need a break. Sometimes it's  an hour for myself, sometimes it's for a week. Depends on how all is going. I find if I stay friendly, they don't bug me too much. 
Hope that helps.                                               Derek

[Jonimom]

I'm only just starting to understand myself, so I can't even try to explain it to anyone else. 

[Quiet]

No, a lot of extroverts do not get it no matter how many times you tell them.
A lot of extroverts cannot understand what they themselves have not experienced.  Maybe it has to do with them being doers and not thinkers.

Yes, once again recently when told a situation I encountered to a friend I was told I think about things too much. 

[blogster]

Yes unfortunately it is a difficult concept for people to understand, whether being male or female!  The last woman I dated, although generally a great person, clearly could not understand it at all when I tried to explain it to her.

I knew her through the workplace (I'm now in different job) and as I talked to her, I could see from her facial expressions that she just couldn't let go of the thought that I was cool, aloof and selective with talking to people in the workplace.  Apparently, I had my "favourite people", with everyone else 'excluded' from my socialising.  Apparently, there was some master conspiracy! 

As we all know, extroversion is assumed the 'healthy' norm and is encouraged and mythologised in Western society (I live in Australia and its amazing how much we imitate American society in this regard). 

People enter into interactions with others with layers of assumptions subconsciously guiding their evaluations and interpretations of others and how the 'should' be. 

Assumptions about extroversion are unfortunately one of them, which few people ever question.

[blogster]

One thing I have found that does help is keeping other people's expectations consistent from the beginning.

Back when I didn't know any better and thought I had to be more extroverted, I would often make a really strong, extroverted impression first up, but as time wore on, would revert to my normal introverted state, which would confuse people.

Ensuring consistency in your state can help manage people's expectations somewhat (even if its unfortunate we should have to do this) and reduce misunderstandings.

[Orion]

I think where there is social tension, laughter is the best ice breaker! I try and use my humor. While it is not easy for me to get my kind of humor out in the open, it does click for a good number of people, even extroverts, and that seems to relax them a bit. But even that is mentally gut wrenching..."are they laughing AT me?"     

At work, there were two employees who constantly said "this place is quiet." Or to me: "You're quiet". My favorite way to deal with this is to pretend I am a librarian. I put on a friendly smile (big friendly smile), and point my finger at my mouth and pretend I am a librarian and go "Sssssh!!!" after this person said I was quiet. This person giggled and liked that. Sometimes after someone would say "this place is quiet" or "you're quiet" I would add: "Ssshh!!! This is a library!! Sssshhh!!" It amazed me how well they liked that as a joking response. Maybe I got lucky? I made sure to say it as a friendly joke. Or, throw their claim back at them. In a self-deprecating humor style, I myself would walk up to the people who claimed it was quiet and initiate: "Sssh!!! This is a library." I am not sure this would work everywhere but I am so happy it worked for me, because we established good rapport at work after that, because I showed them I wasn't tense about it. Ugh, the work we have to do. 

[radames]

I spoke to my mother about my preference of being alone and she called me a "loner" in a tone of voice that was pleasantly amused and actually sort of proud.  She likes to spend her time alone as well; she is practically married to her job and doesn't have much of a life outside of being the president of a college (which I suppose requires a certain level of an outgoing attitude) yet she didn't negatively judge me for my introvertedness.  It was a very rewarding comment from her in an analysis of my personality.