How have you been criticized?

[newmom2008]

I was thinking of the ways people often criticize introverted personality types. What are some good replies to these negative remarks?

[Margee]

Here's an exact quote, word for word that I got from someone today in a letter who is trying  so hard to understand me:

 'I am always surprised how negative you are when you speak about family functions., no one expects you to attend these gatherings so why do you have such dread? Please don't take this as a lecture but I think you miss out on some family fun."

I am still not sure how I will respond to this. I need a few days to think about it, because he could possible be right! Helppppppppppp!

Sincerely, Margee

[Tripod]

Just because we aren't smiling doesn't mean we aren't having fun. I rarely smile, but that doesn't mean I'm negative or that I'm not having a good time. Nobody understands how easily we get drained of energy.

I don't know how you would respond to that letter Margee. I would say explain that you're an introvert, but it's always in one ear out the other with extroverts.

[Margee]

I thought about this overnight and I know that my brother is talking about all the years when we all 'drank and partied' at these family gatherings.Since I stopped drinking (20years ago) my 'sober' personality thoughout the years has been hard on some of my family and friends. Some of them liked me better as a drunk when I was ruining my life! That's my thought for today. Margee

[Sameer]

Posted by: newmom2008     
I was thinking of the ways people often criticize introverted personality types. What are some good replies to these negative remarks?

Yes, sure many people often criticize introverted personality types. They all are stupids..thats all i can say.
  I will say one good Quote to these negative remarks...Its one of my favorite Quotes. That is enough i think....

People are different from each other , no amount of getting after them is going to change them Nor is there any reason to change them, because the differences are probably good.

-- David keirsey

How about that ?
 

[Introvert Zone]

One young woman I used to work with pointed out to another guy in our group how I got up from my desk each day at lunch time, "She doesn't say a word to anyone!  She just leaves!"  Somehow she thought that signified something unusual.   I straightened her out - I preferred to get most of my errands (including any non-perishable supermarket items) done at lunch so that after work I could go home and ENJOY the evening!

[radames]

It seems that no one has any common sense these days.  Some people want to talk and others don't.  Try to talk to the ones who want to talk.  It's as simple as that but due to the controlling nature of the majority of people this just doesn't work.

[Derek]

I can't make a commitment to people to do things, cause I never know how how I'm going to feel on a certain day, so i don't join anything that you have to go to every week or month. My partner asks me to go somewhere on the weekend and I hate to say yes, because I don't like to let her down. Sometimes my friends get a bit mad at me, but their getting used to it . i like to do things on the spur of the moment. 
Derek

[Nannycat]

I have been told so many times in my life that I'm too 'intense'!
But it's true! I AM! lol

[yesIsaid]

how I got up from my desk each day at lunch time, "She doesn't say a word to anyone!  She just leaves!"  Somehow she thought that signified something unusual.   

It's funny to me how extroverts not only notice this, but perceive it as somehow wrong, because they can't fathom doing it.   It's like she can't imagine that you might possibly be focused on things you have to do that don't involve notifying her.  How self-centered!


I used to attend school an hour from my home, and as I was also an older student, I didn't bother to try to make many friends on campus.  I would usually go to lunch by myself.  One of my friends heard this, and was astonished - she said that she would hate to eat lunch by herself, and would grab some random person from class if she had to. 

*That's* what astonished me.  It would never occur to me to be uncomfortable having lunch by myself.  I think lunch is for *eating*, not socialization (though I don't mind occasionally socializing over a meal).  Same with going to the movies - I'm there to watch the film, not chat with a friend...if I wanted to chat, I'd sit in the park or something.

But the idea of being so afraid to spend time alone (or be seen alone in a restaurant) that you'd grab a perfect stranger....it absolutely blew my mind. 

[Alex]

But the idea of being so afraid to spend time alone (or be seen alone in a restaurant) that you'd grab a perfect stranger....it absolutely blew my mind. 

It blows my mind too, like it apparently blows an extrovert's mind when I tell them that I am perfectly fine to go a movie by myself, to a restaurant and even! on a vacation by myself. Chances are that the movies I like to watch or the way I want to spend my vacation is very different to what somebody else wants, so I really can't see what the problem is. Denying yourself of watching a movie you want to see or staying at home put(if you really want to go out) just because you have to do it alone comes across to me as being very insecure.

[FallenofTrack]

Just because we aren't smiling doesn't mean we aren't having fun. I rarely smile, but that doesn't mean I'm negative or that I'm not having a good time. Nobody understands how easily we get drained of energy.

I don't know how you would respond to that letter Margee. I would say explain that you're an introvert, but it's always in one ear out the other with extroverts.

This is how I feel.  I don't feel like I am obligated to smile for everybody else. It's like, can I just be left alone to my own natural facial expressions, Puleeeeease!!, without being harassed about it.  Also, sometimes I am a moody person, but I try to keep my moods just to myself, instead of taking it out on other people, but it someone decides that he or she is going to harass me about not smiling, then I just might take my mood out on that person and really let them know what's up.

[radames]

I think if you're very firm with people, if you don't back down, if you "stick to your guns," you will show that you really mean what you say rather than seeming apologetic for expressing your opinion. 

"I like my alone time."

Nothing else needs to be said because it isn't supporting your alone time, rather it is an intrusion.  What are we trying to prove when we go against our wishes and accomodate others into disrespecting us?

[Margee]

Thank you Radames! I really needed to hear that tonight! I mean that!
I got off work early today to have a small gathering at my house which was to start promptly at 6:30.  Most did not arrive until 7:30 and 8!!! I already told them all that I had a very long day on Fri. and the 'party' would be over by 9:00 p.m. They just left at 11:00 and I could just scream!!!! It is now almost 11:30 and I am always in bed by 10:00! What is it with people that they do not understand??? I try to never be rude but I can tell you -
That is the end of 'parties' for me at my house!

 Good night to all and thanks for your love and support.
 Sincerely, Margee

[radames]

Hey Margee,
I just saw this comment and sorry for the delay.  I didn't realize that you had responded!  You are very welcome and I am glad that my perspective helped you in some way.  I think we innies are a type of family and close friends that are different that what we see today.

It is so annoying when people waste your time like that.  You know, I think that they are so full of themselves that they think, "well, she should be flattered that we are staying as long as we are," yet they don't realize that we would actually think better of them to, hmmmm, RESPECT our wishes and leave AT 9pm!  I will verbally praise someone that understands these subtleties of interaction, such as the cashier reading our demeanor and ringing up our groceries very quickly and efficiently while only giving us a smile and saying, "good night."  I can't even begin to tell you how awesome that would be!  I hate it when they insist on trying to "brighten your evening" by overwhelming you with conversation and presumptuous advice on making life "better" for you. 

"Hey, you know what would make life better for me?  Making it home sometime tonight without talking with people like you eating up my time to sleep before I have to go to work on the morning.  Now give me my sh**!!!"  (This is what I would be thinking as I calmly and politely smiled, waiting for my groceries to be bagged *sigh*  ) lol