Depending on others for your happiness

[Margee]

I searched and searched the forum to try and find a topic that wasn't repeated in the last few months. Last night I went through a 'weird dependence' which really showed me that 'no man is an island'. I thought it mught be a little bit of a new topic. Before you get confused - let me explain.

Before I joined this foeum I spent hours doing my own resrarch on subjects that interested me. My very introverted husband is always 'doing his thing' (reading, etc.) and we can leave each other alone in the same house for hours at a time and yet we have a really good relationship. He understands me and I understand him.

It was quite a busy weekend for me, so when I got through doing all my errands and housework, I couldn't get on my computer fast enough to see all the 'action'; that was happening on the forum. I kept 'checking in' on the hour to see new topic and replys.

Well, I found myself getting frustrated because, there wasn't a lot going on with the forum. I suppose a lot of people had other things to do.I'm not blaming you. My point is that I was actually starting to depend on YOU guys for my happiness! Most of the time -I do not do this! I always have the ability to entertain myself for hours at a time all by myself.

Then I met you all - people that I had something in common with - 'talking' to each other about REAL introvert issues and I got so excited  that I made all these friends that I wouldn't have to sit face to face with.  We could have just 'chat away' without draining each other's energy.  There are so many good topics and I find that so many people 'view' them and don't 'reply', and I find this to be disappointing. I must try to understand that this is the way most 'forums'  probably work.

Please don't get angry at me - I am apologizing right now because I was  'depending on you' for my happiness. I actually felt  very lonely last night.

I suppose I was grieving a little last night at the thought of my best friend moving away.  I couldn't even talk to her last night because she is at her new place which is on the other side of our country and she doesn't have a phone yet.
  She will be leaving real soon. She is coming home to sell all her furniture at the end of the month and then she's gone.

All of this show's me that I must make more of an effort to get my dear husband out and make him more my best friend, which he is already, but he is very introverted too, so someone in this house has to  force the other 'out'.

I guess again, 'Balance' is the key for me. I will have to get out more in the noisy world for awhile, then take a nice walk , then read my books, then go for a bycycle ride, then watch a nice movie with my husband........etc

Do any of you ever go through this, where you are depending on others for your happiness even though we are introverts?
Sincerly, Margee

[Derek]

Yeah Margee, I go through this sometimes. I guess even though I got a good partner, sometimes I just want to talk with someone else. That's why having a few good friends who really understand you and you have things in common with that you can just chat away without it draining your energy too much.

Looks like you are going to have to try and find another friend, Because your best friend is moving. I know it's hard because I have a lot of people in my life and there is only a handful that i really like to share with. the rest are all those chit chat people who drain my energy. nice people they are, but I only like giving my spare time to a couple.

I have been on other forum's before and they are good to read because they can give you some good ideas, but it's hard to make real good close friends on a forum because so many people only come on them evry now and again. I tried the chat rooms but i can't type fast so this is the best for me. mostly I just read, but I thought it was time to contribute a bit. Introversion can be a tough spot to be in. we don't want people and yet we do at our convience. Sometimes it just seems selfish to me but it's the way I am. sure hope you feel better.    Derek

 

[Margee]

Thank you so much for replying Derek! I appreciate it .  Margee

[pyro13g]

There is a yahoo group for Introverts that's much chattier than this forum.  Introvert Retreat

[Margee]

pyro13g - thanks - I have just registered for that one too!! I will check it out! Thank you for that info! Sincerely, Margee

[SarahL]

Margee,

First, I think you are fortunate to have found a mate who understands your introversion. Lucky! It's hard out there, dating and finding a person that is an attractive mix of introvert/extrovert. I live in a type A city and even the introverts think their extroverts because it's the socially acceptable way to behave.

And I really like your "breakthrough." So intuitive of you.

Sarah

[Jonimom]

Margee,
I do know where you're coming from.  I do come to rely on the few people who I can actually have deep conversations with.  When they are gone or move away, it's really a huge letdown.  That's one advantage I think extroverts have....they can be at home wherever and with whomever they find themselves.

[newmom2008]

Do any of you ever go through this, where you are depending on others for your happiness even though we are introverts?
Sincerly, Margee

I have been trying to forget about people who don't like me for whatever reason. I can't make them like me so it is pointless.

I have had difficulty all my life with friends who moved away, then I never saw them again. I can't even find them on facebook. Its gotten to the point where if someone tells me they want to move away somewhere else,  I will distance myself from them.

[shelby]

Yes, no man is an island. I have 2 or 3 people who I solely rely on for companionship and support, and when they are away or busy, I do find myself feeling really lonely. Introverts aren't antisocial - I actually don't spend that much time alone, but I still need more than most extraverts I know - and I find that when I socialize, it's always one on one with different people....I just don't like doing things in groups...so innies still need people, we just need fewer of them at a time.