Become an extrovert in 4 easy steps!

[Alex]

Good news, it is really this easy!

http://www.subliminal-messaging.com/top-tips-to-become-an-extrovert/

As stated here

For an introvert to become an extrovert, a new way of thinking must be used in order to change into an extrovert frame of mind

- Unfortunately no easy tips are provided on how to move your brain's blood flow from your anterior thalamus  (interpreting events, making plans and problem-solving.) to your  posterior thalamus(interpreting sensory data) even when PET scans have shown vast different areas of primary brain activity depending on whether the person was Introverted or Extroverted-

As can clearly be seen in an article like this one there is a huge amount of naivity and bias directed towards introversion - rather than seeing and accepting it as an inborn trait in some people quick fixes are provided - and then also spiced up with doses of magical thinking, 'just will yourself enough by sending yourself subliminal messages' and the 'problem' will be solved. You are even helpfully guided to a page where you can buy a course that will cure you of your introversion where it is stated quote:

If you want to become an extrovert and change your personality on a deeper level then our subliminal mp3s will help you

Eeeh - like I could or would want to - sort of reminds me of those Christians who try to cure gays of their homosexuality...) One major part of healthy introversion is selfacceptance and ignoring(or not taking in) condescending, ignorant and frankly somewhat insulting statements and viewpoints like the ones promoted here where quick fixes and ignorance is celebrated.

An article(or advertisment?) like this illustrates very well the ignorance and bias of many extroverts towards an inborn physiological trait such as being introverted - as well as not so subtly insinuating that introverts are in need of psychological help - or in short chastising introverts simply for being different and not having the same temperament as the majority population

It was so dumb it made me laugh

[Charlie]

Alex,

Good post.

Since discovering I was extremely introverted 8 months ago I've made a concerted effort to accept the fact that I lack social skills while at the same time realizing the value of my ability to be introspective and analytical. 

I've finally stopped blaming my lack of relationship on people in my life.  It only took a little while to help my extroverted wife understand that I will never be a social butterfly.

I've just now fully stopped trying to be an extrovert and am working on finding how to be comfortable being an introvert.

The advice in the article is not only foolish it is dangerous, at least for me, to attempt ever again to live in the fantasy world of extroversion. 

[Alex]

Charlie, I agree - it is foolish and dangerous, but unfortunately oh so prevalent. Most people seem to not independently come to or seek their opinons but just accept conventional wisdom and societal norms as fact which classifies introversion as bad(and treating it as a mental health issue rather than a physiological trait) and then succumbing to common prejudices such as the ones exhibited here.

Unfortunately since we are outnumbered 3-1 it is common and perhaps somewhat understandable that introverts then themselves succumb to their idea that something must be wrong with them since they differ so much from what is considered 'normal' and then themselves try to become more extroverted - in vain fighting against their nature trying to live according to societal and other people's perceptions and consequently not being true to themselves. It doesn't help when family and friends constantly are critical and question your lifestyle because it differs from theirs, even when they themselves haven't bothered to question their way of living(unlike most introverts). Ultimately though the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will have in your life and you have to live according to what works for you, not what other people expect. The happiness you seek in life has to come from within yourself and not be dependent or based on other people(which is not fair to them either actually - I wouldn't want to be responsible for somebody else's happiness, that would seem like a quite heavy burden to carry around). This doesn't mean that we don't like other people or enjoy spending time with them(ok some could perhaps be ommitted ;-) ), but our sense of selfworth and happiness(and I am including extroverts here as well) should not be based on other people or their perceptions, but rather our own values - anything else would be quite unhealthy I think. Only when we are happy and comfortable with ourselves can we enjoy equally equal and rewarding relationships with others, simply because these then are based on an equal footing. For any relationship to be good they have to be equal

Summing up, here is quote from a blog entry I've listed in a previous post which I think is very good:

'Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company is a sad case with nothing to offer another person in relationship except neediness. That why I believe people who cannot be alone without feeling lonely are the ones who could benefit from therapy'

[Odessa]

You know it is hard to be an intro...My own mother can't understand it. She wants be to change and be more "social": "and the counselor you went to did not help in getting you to socialize". Marti book is realy good. I am say I am OK!!!

[pyro13g]

Summing up, here is quote from a blog entry I've listed in a previous post which I think is very good:

'Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company is a sad case with nothing to offer another person in relationship except neediness. That why I believe people who cannot be alone without feeling lonely are the ones who could benefit from therapy'

Gotta disagree with that quote.  That's a very biased perspective on Extroverts and as detrimental to them as is the shots we take as Introverts.  That's how an Extrovert functions and gets energy.  They need that interaction and social ties to be able to have the energy for the times they are alone.  We are drained by what makes them thrive.  They are drained by what makes us thrive.

An extrovert who doesn't enjoy his/her own company is the one that will offer more, and have better chance for success in their relationships with extroverts.  With an Introvert, well, they need to understand Introversion before they will have a successful relationship with one.

The Extrovert with too much enjoyment being alone may be the one that therapy benefits.  How much alone is good for an Extrovert will vary based on level of Extroversion.

The quote sounds like a defensive statement from an Introvert.

[Alex]

I was going to meet you halfway, but actually rereading it I will stick with it. Try to turn it the other way around, if you are an introvert and you don't enjoy other people's company - that is also a sad case. I am not talking about constant togetherness, certainly for an introvert that is draining, but shunning any kind of social interaction - If you are an introvert and can not enjoy being with other people then I think you have a problem.

As stated in the qoute, the same applies for extroverts the other way around - An extrovert who can not spend 1 day by himself alone without feeling lonely - that is a sad case and somebody who is not very selfsufficient. Not enjoying one's own company, extro or introvert I think often signals that you are not very comfortable in your own skin.

I will quote myself again from my previous entry

Ultimately though the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you will have in your life and you have to live according to what works for you, not what other people expect. The happiness you seek in life has to come from within yourself and not be dependent or based on other people(which is not fair to them either actually - I wouldn't want to be responsible for somebody else's happiness, that would seem like a quite heavy burden to carry around). This doesn't mean that we don't like other people or enjoy spending time with them(ok some could perhaps be ommitted ;-) ), but our sense of selfworth and happiness(and I am including extroverts here as well) should not be based on other people or their perceptions, but rather our own values - anything else would be quite unhealthy I think. Only when we are happy and comfortable with ourselves can we enjoy equally equal and rewarding relationships with others, simply because these then are based on an equal footing. For any relationship to be good they have to be equal

[newmom2008]

'Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company is a sad case with nothing to offer another person in relationship except neediness. That why I believe people who cannot be alone without feeling lonely are the ones who could benefit from therapy'

I wholeheartedly agree.

[pyro13g]

My shrinky dinky agrees with me on the quote being a defensive statement, but like anything, mileage varies with shrinks.  She has a problem with the use of "sad case" and "has nothing to offer". She feels the statement would be better fitted if it said:

 "Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company, and their happiness, quality of life, relationships, or well being suffers because of it,  may benefit from therapy".

She feels that statement is true for anything when you replace "Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company" with any situation leading to "and their happiness, quality of life, relationships, or well being suffers because of it"

[Alex]

My shrinky dinky agrees with me on the quote being a defensive statement, but like anything, mileage varies with shrinks.  She has a problem with the use of "sad case" and "has nothing to offer". She feels the statement would be better fitted if it said:

 "Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company, and their happiness, quality of life, relationships, or well being suffers because of it,  may benefit from therapy".

She feels that statement is true for anything when you replace "Anyone who does not enjoy his or her own company" with any situation leading to "and their happiness, quality of life, relationships, or well being suffers because of it"

?

What about the following statement then

Anyone who does not enjoy being held upside down by a close family member and their happiness, quality of life, relationships, or well being suffers because of it may benefit from therapy"

Or...

Anyone who does not enjoy going to loud, rowdy clubs....

Or...

Anyone who does not enjoy the same hobbies as...

I think some nuance has to be put into this. Say if I didn't enjoy the same kind of activities as somebody else close to me(like going out every night) and I am being chasticed for this then I would need to selfprotect and not be coerced into it out of guilt or to please somebody even if my happiness, quality of life, relationships, or well being suffers because of it - I certainly don't think I'd be a candidate for therapy because of this(even if the other person might think so), I just have a different temperament, but it doesn't contradict from my original statement about somebody not being able to be alone or together with other people(these are the pathological conditions I think)

[Charlie]

The shrink is a dink.

I agree with Alex.  Although it's critically essential for an introvert to be comfortable by themselves it is important that everyone is comfortable being alone. 

Introverts who are coereced into being more extroverted will go insane. 

Extroverts who are incapable of accepting introversion for others or themselves are insane.

Invite your dink to write in and confront Alex or anyone else who shares his opinion directly so we can discuss the issue in greater detail.  It might help him be something other than a dink.

[Paul]

Alex, I need your help. I was working on trying to divert the blood flow like you suggested and, to coin a phrase, something went wrong.
My ear has swollen up to 4 times its regular size, yet I still don't feel like getting on stage and singing karaoke.
I think I must be some kind of freak and need therapy. I tried to fit in but can't face going out there with my huge ear.
I desperately want to fit in Alex, but how can I with this huge ear?
My shrink thinks that if I had a boob job I'd feel more confident about mixing with the normal people, but I heard moobs were out this year.
I despair Alex. Maybe I'm going to be an 'introvert' forever!

Or maybe I'm fine and dandy. I can never remember :-)

[Paul]

Maybe I should apologise about that post. I didn't mean to ridicule anyone. :-)
Happy new year btw.
I think that if someone has found their way here, then their 'problem' is just about slolved. Because it's not a problem, just a difference of opinion.
Yours is right, and maybe so is theirs.
But I prefer to think that yours is right.
One thing I have noticed though. When 'they' get the upper hand there are many to celebrate. When we win something, we just give a little 'hey ho' in our heads.
Time for a song.
That's just the way it is, some things will never change..........

Best of luck for a new year.

Kirana and I are planning to get married in april. I think that's what is meant by the 'introvert advantage' :-)

[Alex]

Kirana and I are planning to get married in april. I think that's what is meant by the 'introvert advantage' :-)

Congratulations!

[Sameer]

Some Introverts want to change to Extroverts. Sure they need advice/help to change. I can easily change to Extrovert.I can change myself,but i won't.I like to be an Introvert always.

[radames]

I think that it is easy to try to act extroverted yet it won't be convincing (maybe because we don't have enough blood running into our brains?). lol 

Anyway, it just seems to be one big manipulation as to how we can classify our behavior and preferences into either "introversion" or "extroversion" rather than just being who we are without getting criticized for liking our alone time or liking partying hard.  We really are a sad case if we think that one temperament is better than another.

It is sad when our "professional therapists" support the idea that we aren't allowed to be who we naturally are and give us mind games to lead us to think that we are weird or unnatural.  I think they need a bit more blood in their brains.