Why you might come across as boring

[Alex]

Here is an interesting reply.

http://counsellingresource.com/ask-the-psychologist/2008/02/04/am-i-boring/

I never considered it this way, the 'boring' person thinks too much about what to say - which makes a lot of sense if you relate that to introverts - Introverts often are frustrated about that they just don't know what to say(which has something to do with the way information travels in the introvert brain taking a longer path compared to extroverts), so it wouldn't surprise me if coming across as boring has something to with trying to think too much of what to say and hampering communication(also non-verbal, stonefaced expression).

Strangely enough though, I rarely find it difficult to find something to talk about if I know the other person well(as I guess is the case for most people extro or introvert) - however, undoubtedly extroverts are a lot more adept at smalltalk - but I never considered it from the perspective that they don't think in advance of something to say(or at least much) and I also think it has a lot to do with just being a lot less anxious about being in a small talk situation. I get anxious, because I mostly just have no clue what to say, lol and then I fret about that(but other times, I honestly also just have no interest at all in smalltalking(not that I have anything against the other person(which is a common and sad misunderstanding amongst many extroverts that introverts don't smalltalk with them because of disdain).

I wish though if it could be more common for people who say how are you to not expect then an introvert has to start or carry a conversation - or that more women would initiate conversations instead of just waiting for a man to speak to them - but, that I guess is just something that can't be helped.

[flame]

 I wish that we didn't have to be pushed into making smalltalk with extroverts just to not be thought of as boring! Why can't they meet us half way and start to understand that we just don't operate the way they do...but that's never going to happen I guess.

 I mean, honestly, are we really expected to bore ourselves to death by doing what we find boring just so they won't think we are boring? That makes no sense to me...It makes more sense, to me, if we re-define what 'boring', to them, means TO US, and not judge ourselves by those same standards, but see it instead as something else...o.k, that isn't coming out right to me...I'll start again... If we can accept that we are 'boring' as they define it, but instead see the positives in being what they describe as boring, so that the word boring is no longer felt BY US to be a bad thing at all, but rather a positive thing...in the same way that people in the homosexual community reclaim words like "queer' which have been used against them as a form of oppression! Anyone catching my drift here?

[pyro13g]

Anyone can think I'm as boring as paint drying.  Affects me zero.  Perplexes them and gives me great satisfaction they would waste their time trying to figure it, or me(will never happen) out.  Jokes on them.

[radames]

Are they asking us to be narcissistic?  You know, it is funny because people who are completely positive and "irritating" are called immature yet people who are serious and contemplative are called "boring."  Everyone seems to have a label for everything.

In Asian cultures one would not find a majority of "fun" people but a majority of "boring professionals" who think it is rude to disturb silence unless it is for a professional reason.  I saw an American doing some kind of candid camera show on a subway to try to get a rise out of morning commuters in Hong Kong.  They were all quietly looking down at the ground and one professional spoke to the perpetrator, only after being engaged, saying that they enjoyed the quiet time on the bus. 

It would seem to me that the encouragement of the depth of thought found in Asian countries probably makes the people more technically and academically proficient.  Conversely, we in USA fire people for being "professional" and "boring" stating that we are "disrupting the working environment" while rewarding those of greater social skill, personality, and popularity.

We are living in the wrong nation if we want to be comfortable and respected for our introverted natures.

[Alex]

I mean, honestly, are we really expected to bore ourselves to death by doing what we find boring just so they won't think we are boring? That makes no sense to me..

You are absolutely right

[flame]

 I say we pool all our spare cash (er what?) into buying an Island for Innies...Innie Island...just large enough to fit all the introverts of the world...with full access to a ferry system if we want to mingle with "the loud ones" and then return whenever we want, for all the quiet bliss and fresh fish and paw paws we can handle...make our own bootleg rum and ...well, yo ho ho Sounds like a plan...who's in?

Maybe Johhny Depp would sell us a chunk of his island out of his deep empathy for the innie condition...that'd be neat!

 On another note...I've had so many people over the years tell me that they've tried and tried to work me out, but they can't, and I got told, by an extreme innie friend of mine, a few weeks ago,that he can't work me out.   
Now what does it mean when another innie, especially an extreme one like him, doesn't get you?

[Creative]

 On another note...I've had so many people over the years tell me that they've tried and tried to work me out, but they can't, and I got told, by an extreme innie friend of mine, a few weeks ago,that he can't work me out.   
Now what does it mean when another innie, especially an extreme one like him, doesn't get you?

I think it may be because you are introverted at different places, also you are two different people. It would be helpful to know which part of you he does not understand because people tend to use a general term "I don't understand you" rather than "I don't understand your eating habits". Just an example.

[flame]

This is true...and I thought about that a bit after I wrote and thought it might be a bit vague. Next time I see him (which could be a while...he never leaves his house) I'll ask...it's not a big deal really, just was thinking about it recently. Thanks anyway.

[pyro13g]

The only time I've had another Innie not get me was when they think something is broke with you and can't figure out how to fix you to their liking.  Sadly some Innies try that "trying to fix people" crap too!

[radames]

Flame>>
I'm all for the "innie utopia."  Maybe your island is the ideal environment, or close to ideal, I have been needing! 

Maybe your friend wants to see if he can confide in you and the adventurous nature of your personality brings him to question whether he can fully trust you or not.  He obviously likes a very controlled environment and he "screens" all entities in or near his environment to see if he needs to put "thicker walls" up or even only a "bedsheet."     I suppose you can see his statement as a desire and a sincere care to get to know you in his own way but he is encountering a few obstacles.

This is my take on it anyway.

[Alex]

Flame>>
I'm all for the "innie utopia."  Maybe your island is the ideal environment, or close to ideal, I have been needing! 

Australia? ;-)

[newmom2008]

Thanks.

I have been called "boring" by at least a few people.

I think people who accuse others of being boring, are actually living dull lives themselves, and want to find others to live through vicariously. They are possibly looking for drama, as well. Someone or something to take them away from their mundane, day-to-day existence.

That's my theory. Maybe its wrong.

[Alex]

Thanks.

I have been called "boring" by at least a few people.

I think people who accuse others of being boring, are actually living dull lives themselves, and want to find others to live through vicariously. They are possibly looking for drama, as well. Someone or something to take them away from their mundane, day-to-day existence.

That's my theory. Maybe its wrong.

Or it is the case (which is something I often see with extroverts) that they want others to entertain them even if they themselves don't return the favour

[radames]

Alex-
I have always wanted to go to Aussie Land.  Maybe all of the innies can hire a few militant outies to take over Australia for us and we can make it into "Innie-alia."    Of course this is a joke.  I think that we would have to wait for a large chunk of the submerged Atlantis to rise from the ocean floor and then claim it as our own.  Tectonic plate movement make this a possibility.

Newmom2008-
We are definitely a world that craves entertainment.  When we finish watching our daily "diet" of the "tube" we continue to watch it through our families, friends, co-workers, and co-inhabitants of this earth.  Separating reality from fantasy is hard to do when many of our leaders want to hide reality from us.  They view us as dispensable.  They are also afraid that we would kick them out of their leadership positions after learning what they have done to us behind our backs. 

Earlier in the life of the media and television messages were carefully portrayed and expressed in a manner to benefit those in power in order to win viewers over to the brainwashing and to control our thought patterns.  In the 21st century the leaders of this world are blatantly and recklessly  showing us how they are misusing and abusing us and could care less about the consequences.  They know that they have accomplished decades of brainwashing in keeping the public in a kind of drunken stupor.  Even if we wanted to revolt it would take vast amounts of energy, sacrifice, and education.  These schemers are much farther ahead of us in their plan than we could ever imagine and it would require very catastrophic measures to bring us back to a place where we could have a chance to recover from their control and deception.

[newmom2008]

Thanks.

I have been called "boring" by at least a few people.

I think people who accuse others of being boring, are actually living dull lives themselves, and want to find others to live through vicariously. They are possibly looking for drama, as well. Someone or something to take them away from their mundane, day-to-day existence.

That's my theory. Maybe its wrong.

Or it is the case (which is something I often see with extroverts) that they want others to entertain them even if they themselves don't return the favour

I believe this is true, also.