Great Book - Thanks

[blackpanther]

...

Just finished up your book: "The Introvert Advantage."  I found it very helpful. Thanks... for writing it.

I was thinking it would be a neat book to start on online discussion on: :-) And here I find you're way ahead of me with this web site. So... as I chat with others about your book... I'll direct them here.

:-) Have a Happy Happy Day...

[Feral]

hello .  i'm glad i found the book.  i was milling around the bookstore when i found it.  The whole way through i was thinking how cool it would be to be able to get in touch with the author.   then i get to the last page and there it is -- email and a web site!  the book's got me all out of sorts though... i think it's mostly this idea of there being other people like me.  maybe being a shy, introverted night owl has made me isolated, but even interacting with people can increase that feeling because they're so different.  i mean, i know a few people i have a lot in common with, but that there could be people *really* like me, and enough of them to have a book written about them (and me)... well, that's weird .  the book seems to sspamest that there are.  i've never seen so complete a portrait of myself before, and that's as disconcerting as it is exciting.  most of the book seemed to have been written about me specifically, right down to my sensitivity to cafeine.  i'm not used to fitting in a formula.  And i see there are even a few other INFP's around here -- we're supposed to be so rare!! 

i've known i'm an introvert for years, but never knew how much that meant.  people have called me "elusive," "mysterious," and "a cypher," which i think is pretty cool, though i don't feel like any of those things.  it's neat to see that kind of stuff talked about in the book.  I never thought about things in terms of energy usage before, but i can see that now.  i also never knew there was a difference between shyness and introversion.  i applyed both words to myself, but i thought they were synonyms.  so introversion is what i'm doing in the bookstore, while shyness is what's keeping me from asking for help finding a book?  i think teasing those things apart was one of the most challenging and (to me) important parts of the book. 

i wish all the outies would read it and stop asking me why i never say anything (which they always ask even if they've only known me for five minutes.  its funny how fast they pick up on that .)

anyway, thanks for the book, and this place

[Marti Laney]

Hi Feral and blackpanther, I enjoyed reading your thoughts--I know how it is to feel wierd and also such a relief to find out why.  I thought that was pretty funny teasing apart the introversion and the shyness--I hate asking about books in the book store or library--even for a former librarian.  It's the overstimulation for me, not shyness--when we traveled to France although I was the one who spoke French, I would whisper the phrase or question in Mike's ear and then he would attempt to say it with his American /Spanish (3 years in high school) accent.  The French person would look puzzled.  It didn't come out too well but we got around OK.  Thanks again, Marti 

[permaculture]

I knew I was an Introvert for years, but like many people was told to just 'buck up'. Perhaps extroverts just can't concieve that some people would find large noisy crowds awful rather than invigorating.

Reading the book, many of the coping strategies were very familiar to me, I've been doing them for ages without knowing why. Now I know I can't change my introversion but must instead value the qualities it instils in me. Also I know I'm not alone in feeling this way. Feels good :-)

FYI there's a discussion of the book here:

http://books.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=03/07/16/2143241&mode=thread&tid=134&tid=188&tid=192 which prompted me to buy the book. I'm glad I did :-) 

==

Goose Farber, everyone!

[JoyE]

Hello Marti:

Your book has brought me numerous moments of "epiphany!" 

I have never wanted to participate in online postings, but I did respond to your INNIE PROFILE last month and this BOOK DISCUSSION---all because of the insight your book has brought to me!

Thank you so much for writing this amazing book because it is bringing positivity and clarity into all aspects of my life, including my part-time leadership career with a direct sales "pink company."  In fact, when (not if)
I become a Director with the "pink company," I shall invite you to my Debut--which will be of the type that befits an innie ).

By the way, one of my favorite places to regain my energy is at the Art Institue of Chicago seated in front of the beautiful Chagall Windows! 

Also, I now know why one of my daughters shares an extra-special bond with me (and she has done so since she was a toddler)---we are both innies---unlike my other children who are outies.

So thank you very much, Marti, for liberating me!!

Truly.

JoyE

 

[Robert]

Hi, I heard or read someplace in the last month somebody referring to ex-president Nixon as a high functioning autistic. I thought that's interesting, I wonder if I'm a high functioning autistic. I didn't understand about myself. I'd always been called quiet and sensitive and than in the last year of Junior High School my grades fell and the guidance teachers were all over me. They said I had the highest IQ in the school and the lowest grades and for the first time I was being called a new name "withdrawn". I never agreed with any of this. I didn't think I was anymore sensitive than anybody else, everbody got angry if you provoke them enough and I talked plenty when I wanted to. As far as school was concerned my grades were down because I wasn't wearing my eyeglasses in class and my IQ was only like 114. As far as being withdrawn, I was okay if you left me alone. Anyway I ran a search on Autistic but it didn't fit. Those are the people that smack themselves and some have a special gift. I didn't smack myself too much and if I have a special gift I haven't found it yet but than this other word "introversion" surfaced. I ran a search on that and some of what I read I was connecting with so than I went to Barnes&Nobel.com looking for a book on introversion and that's my story of how I found "The Introvert Advantage".

[Victoria]

Hello there, I've been reading everyone's posts, and I just wanted to add my little bit - just like you all, finding Marti's book feels like somebody just turned the lights on.  I have felt so weird all my life, embarrassed, guilty, ashamed - never understanding why I am the way I am.   People think I'm intelligent - I feel like a fraud - terrified that they may find out the truth.  I never seem to contribute in meetings, and when I try to I stumble over my words, or my brain freezes and I go blank!   In a section full of extroverts, I feel like the odd one out.  I've been going through some pretty rotten stages of being so stressed out (I could *really* relate to some of the emails I've read about innies in the work place!) but never understanding *why*.  I think being an innie explains a bit! <sigh>  At last I am moving out of this section, into another area for 2 months, then to a section I've wanted to go to for a while now - and the section head is an innie too  :-)  Nice to find this place anyway, take care everyone. 

 

[Apollonian]

This is awesome.  When did these forums go online?  I've been looking for a forum like this.

I read the book and loved it.  Intuitively, I knew most of what was going on, however I have a fairly extroverted father and so it was nice to get some concrete literature to offset such other books as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People".  These books are great, but they don't seem to cover introversion whatsoever.  Eventually finding them lacking, I have now turned to The Introvert Advantage and to David Keirsey's book Please Understand Me for the majority of my search for self-actualization.

Interestingly enough, it seems I have been getting a long miraculously well so far, mostly due to growing up in a sheltered conservative suburb.  The biggest epiphanies for me have been those that deal with how the rest of the world opperates.  Often, I don't realize (at least not consciously) that a whole bunch of other people think and respond differently.

Before I go on too long, I would just like to say thanks, and I hope to see more people populating these forums.

 

[Marti Laney]

Hi, I think lots of these concepts are confusing and that some overlap--we still have so much to learn about human behavior--but the more you understand yourself the better you can cope with how your particular brain works--autism is a different problem and I actually think it may be more on the outie end of the spectrum--but research is showing that it's certainly on the left brained side of brain functioning.  I am so glad the book was helpful to you-all, Marti

[Pats]

Just wanted to add my kudos for the book too.  I was nodding and seeing myself totally just from the Preface! 

And oh, oh, oh, I wish I had been raised as per the recommendations in the parenting chapter.  My childhood actually wasnt as bad as most, but I think there are some things that could have been done differently.  If I ever have kids I'll be reading that chapter many times over.  I'm definitely going to have mother read the book anyway, as I think it'll do a lot to help her understand me.  She always used to ask me why I was angry, thinking that's the only reason a person can be quiet.

The two biggest surprises to me in the book were that shyness and introversion are not the same things.  I too had always thought of them as synonyms.  I never dreamed that there could be shy outies or non-shy innies.  I'm still very shy in unfamiliar situations, but lots more out of my shell than I used to be.

The other surprise to me was how much of a minority we are -- especially in terms of energy recharging.  In that regard I would have thought I/Es were more or less evenly distributed among the population.

Anyway, wonderful book, and thank you for writing it.  You've made a lot of people feel so much better about themselves.

 

 

[havoc]

well

 i`m only in the few pages of your book  and it has already  answered a few thousand  questions   very nice  

i`m very much looking forward to the rest of it  , gee by then  i should have all my questions answered  ... huh .  No by then i`ll have a few thousand more , but wait  .. "now"  that is normal ...... for a introvert   huh 

[mjsackler]

I have recently bought the book, the title just about jumped off the shelf at me.  I see myself on almost every page.  I am a left brained introvert in a profession, architecture,  that  seems to favor right brained extroverts,  which makes me feel just a little out of step with the leaders in my field.  I am responsible for making things happen, and it is only through great inner strength and discipline on a daily basis that I succeed.  The book has been a balm to my troubled soul.  I am particularly intrigued by the thoughts about energy levels and the ability to relate to the world.  The book articulates what I have sensed for a long time, and I make it a point to get "pumped up" before leaving the house each morning either by doing yoga or running on a treadmill.  Of course, eating well is the best revenge.

One thing I still need to master is how to get over the feeling of being trapped in meetings with combative extroverts.  It makes me feel like I want to jump out the window.

[Graniteer]

The Introvert Advantage is a fantastic book!  It has helped me understand myself better but even more so, it has helped me understand my husband!  He's far more introverted than me and although I felt I was supportive of his needs I also got frustrated because he wanted so little social activity (and I didn't want much compared to most people!!).  We also have two teenage daughters that are quite introverted although each in a very unique way.  Public school was very difficult for both of them.  I homeschooled them for 4 years.  Their return to high school was difficult also.  There is a TREMENDOUS need for public schools (and mostly worthless guidance counselors...) to be aware of introversion.  I would talk to school psychologists about my daughters' difficulties but they dismissed me because my daughters always achieved academically.  Marti, if there is EVER any way that you could make a presentation at an NEA conference or other teacher convention, I implore you to do it!!  You might have a greater impact there than even going on Oprah!!

 

One other resource that recognizes and gives guidance to introverts career-wise is the Johnson O'Connor Research Foundation.  Others might want to check it out on the web.

[flan2dave]

On a day I felt particularly troubled and uneasy, I began searching the psychology section of a nearby bookstore to help me understand myself better.  I let my instincts guide me to a variety of books, using key words like psychotherapy and depression to direct my attention.  More importantly, I decided to pick up absolutely anything that caught my attention, whether or not I could put a finger on why it caught my attention (since looking at a lot of books impedes my decisiveness, one reason I went to a store instead of searching through my much larger school library). 

The Introvert Advantage fell into category of catching my attention, I gave it a quick glance, and was impressed by the explanations it immediately offered me; for example, sometimes I clam up at social gatherings, and this book articulated the event for me.  Out of all the texts regarding psychology I've looked up thus far, this book has offered the most resonating explanations, hurdling my initial suspcions that it would be just psychobabble and excuse making.  Thanks.

[Butterflie]

I just finished reading Marti's book, and I've been telling everyone at work to read it! (I work in a book department and, of course - we're all introverts!)

For the last few years I've been beating myself up, wondering why I hate parties, why I hate talking to strangers and chit-chat (as opposed to deep and meaningful conversations), why I seem to lack energy, why I stumble over all my words as soon as more than two people are listening (even though what I'm supposed to be saying sounds SO much better and clearer in my head!) ... etc etc.

Then my mum, who is also an introvert, told me about this fantastic book and I was so excited even hearing about it that I went out and bought it straight away! I'm glad I did - Marti, thank you so much for your insight into introversion. Every sentence you wrote was an "AHA!" moment for me. This book has also taught me to move past my shame and guilt of being an introvert (eg "Why can't I go up and talk to people like he/she can?") and see my qualities in a positive light. Yes, I may have less friends but they're so much deeper and more fulfilling relationships than if I had fifty friends!

My flatmate is an extrovert and she was hurt and confused at my behaviour at times (like why I wouldn't respond sometimes, why I didn't tell her EVERYTHING, why I didn't want to go to a particular party), but now she's reading the book and discussing it with me, and she's really starting to see my world and where I'm coming from!

Marti, thank you SO MUCH! I feel so alive, so free to be me!  

Melissa