differences among introverts

[Suzanne]

Sorry if this is a repetitive topic. I am new here. 

 

I am currently making my way through this wonderful book.  While most of it describes my experiences,   I am puzzled by the descriptions of introverts as low energy and as enjoying repetitive work that is not too stimulating...as well as being somewhat slow to open up to new experiences etc.

I feel instead as if my own energy is very high but is distributed differently than an extrovert's.  I burn out easily around a crowd, or around people whom I don't connect with.  But in small numbers of people (6 or less), I can be in my element and have boundless energy.  In fact, the right kind of people energize me.  Do other introverts experience this?

 

Also, I am easily bored...just like how extroverts are described.  I like new, stimulating things.  Especially work.  If I don't have work that involves thinking and creativity, I become morose.  Can other introverts relate?

I know for a fact that I am an introvert..and don't even think I am on the cusp of being intro-extro.  People can burn me out easily.  Parties exhaust me and on occasion I have been unable to muster a "goodnight" because I am depleted.  People often think I am not having a good time.

 

To me, it's not a matter of low energy, but of easily losing my center.  When I am centered my energy goes on forever.  Others see me as having energy too. 

 

Does anybody have any thoughts about the variable traits among introverts? 

thanks!

[willowhirl]

Hi Suzanne and Welcome...

Quote: Originally posted by Suzanne on 06 December 2004

I feel instead as if my own energy is very high but is distributed differently than an extrovert's.  I burn out easily around a crowd, or around people whom I don't connect with.  But in small numbers of people (6 or less), I can be in my element and have boundless energy.  In fact, the right kind of people energize me.  Do other introverts experience this?

Rarely do I find that people, in and of themselves, energize me.  Rather, it's the activity that we are doing and if others seem as interested/involved as I am.  That can feel very energizing.

Also, I am easily bored...just like how extroverts are described.  I like new, stimulating things.  Especially work.  If I don't have work that involves thinking and creativity, I become morose.  Can other introverts relate?

Yes, I can surely relate.  Do you know your MBTI type?  I think "NTs" and especially "NTPs" thrive on thinking and creativity.  I, too, can get easily bored with repetitive tasks...but sometimes they come in handy when I just want to relax the thinking.

To me, it's not a matter of low energy, but of easily losing my center.  When I am centered my energy goes on forever.  Others see me as having energy too. 

Can you explain what you mean by 'centered' ? When I feel 'centered', I feel focused in a way that isn't draining to my sense of being in the world.  Kind of like all of my different energies are working together coherently and in a productive, proactive way.  To me, that is energizing because it seems to add to the reservoir vs. drain it. 

Does anybody have any thoughts about the variable traits among introverts? 

It's been a while since I've read Marti's book, but I think there is a lot of diversity among introverts.  As discussed before, different MBTI types (with introversion being the only commonality) can look quite different from each other.  I think personality is a complex issue to address and there's a lot that needs to be taken into consideration--including one's life experiences, etc.  I know that it's often said that introverts hate talking on the phone.  I'm a strong introvert and that's never been an issue for me.  But this board alone has given evidence that there are many introverts who do not like to talk on the phone. 

I hope you get some additional thoughts from others!

Look forward to more posts from you!

[Suzanne]

hi Willowhirl--thanks for getting back to me.  I hope I opened this discussion in the right section.  After I posted, I saw that the there is another section where all the action is. 

 

I am an INFP--but I do a lot of thinking and mulling, so I wonder if I am not on the cusp of F and T.  What I do understand about INFPs though, is that more than any other introverted type, relationships (and people interactions) can be very important.  So it's no surprise to me that the right kind of people and the right kind of interaction can energize me.   

I've even had instances where someone's presence in the room is energizing, even though we are off in our own separate inner worlds doing our own thing. 

Are you an INTP?

When I feel 'centered', I feel focused in a way that isn't draining to my sense of being in the world.  Kind of like all of my different energies are working together coherently and in a productive, proactive way.  To me, that is energizing because it seems to add to the reservoir vs. drain it. 

That's exactly what I mean, but I couldn't explain it.  It's a sense of focus and not being easily distracted (boy, do I love it when I am in that state).

I can relate to the phone thing--I am the same as you.  I can go on for hours.  In fact, I am a conversationalist, and talking is one of my favorite things to do.  Provided the emotional climate is right. 

I am still reading the book and just when I was starting to wonder if I was a certified introvert (lol!)--she mentioned the business about low blood sugar and low blood pressure.  Yep! I'm an introvert alright... 

Nice to hear from you.  Hope others join in.

cheers!

[jeffwh1]

Let me just punch in my two cents...related to the first post. I am certainly an "innie." I am about as innie as it gets. I used to think something was wrong with me until I read Marti's book.

I feel fine in a small group of people with whom I am comfortable, such as friends, but in a larger group, or a group where I do not know anyone, I experience that "throttle-down" effect. I hear the buzz of low-level static, and my brain shuts down. Oh, not right away usually, I can be an extrovert for a while, but eventually I have to get away and be alone.

As far as work, I prefer to work on projects by myself. I do not like to work in teams, or in a group if I can avoid it. I like routine in my daily life, but I also like variety in what I do, I can't be chained to a desk.

I like people, I really do, but to know me you probably wouldn't think so. I just wish I could be happy being around people more, I wish I could get to know people faster, I think it would help. Most people find me to be friendlier on the phone or by letter than in person.

Just curious, do you ever, when you are around someone that is extremely extro, very expressive and open, do you get that brain shut-down effect?

[rihannsu]

^^^  All the time.  Even if it's family I've known all my life or close friends that I'm with- I still get to the point that "enough is enough" and I have to have my personal space.



Eventually, it just gets too noisy and my ears and head feel like they're going to just pop open like a balloon.  



Funny, a lot of the situations that you brought up I used to attribute to being an Only Child.  It's nice to know exactly where those behaviors I've always had came from.  



And as far as wishing I could be more friendly- after reading the book I'm tired of thinking I should be "more" of whatever the extroverts around me wish I could be.  



I'm fine with the fact that I hate answering the phone when it's ringing off of the hook all day at work.  I'm fine that it takes me time to get to know people and I take the time to study them and really know them before plunging in.  By that time, I really know their personality better and we start with a deeper friendship once I've gotten to know what they're really like and what makes them comfortable in a friendship.  



I'm not going to apologize any more (or let someone make me feel like I'm supposed to aplogize) for beeing "too" aloof, quiet, reserved or whatever.  Who gave them the right to tell me there's something "wrong" with me?  



Sorry, got totally off topic.  

[jeffwh1]

I'm with you on being tired of thinking I should be more of whatever the extro's around me wish I could be. I feel friendly enough, even if I don't show it.

I also like your point about starting with a deeper friendship, getting to know someone before plunging in. To me it's always been a matter of quality vs. quantity. I would prefer a better quality of relationship rather than more relationships.

I suppose if you are comfortable with your self, others will be too...

[syryn]

I just read "the book" and kept nodding my head at the descriptions of introverts, going "That's me, that's me." Difficulty remembering people's names and faces? Yup, though I can identify a film I saw once ten years ago just by the music. (Not nearly such a useful skill socially!)

I also tend to do what I call a "fade back and away" when surrounded by large crowds....go find some place quiet and

recover. Team play doesn't appeal to me, and I can't understand feeling that someone is your pal when you've met them twice and spent at most an hour or so with them...how can someone be your "friend" when you hardly know them?



I was the sole introvert in a family with four rabid extroverts.  My parents, bless them, sincerely tried their best to "help" me.  "Get out. Go do things. Meet people. You need more friends. Go to the party. Go to the dance." On and on, sometimes for an hour or more, until all I wanted was to find a nice cave and hide! Those of you who have read "Advantage" may remember the story of the father who was frustrated because his little girl spent her time reading instead of socializing. Laney sspamested that he offer to reaed with his daughter, and noted how shocked he was when his little girl was thrilled at the idea. I wish someone had given my parents the same advice. They just couldn't figure me out....



 The end result, sadly, was to make me feel like a freak. Why couldn't I be more like my very outgoing, very socially adept brother and sister?



BECAUSE, MOM AND DAD, I AIN'T THEM! DIFFERENT ISN'T WRONG!



In this country, we have gone way overboard worshiping the "team player" and the "go-getter." Nothing wrong with people like that....but also there's nothing wrong with people who are quiet, contemplative, thoughtful, reserved. It took me a long time, but I've finally realized that I shouldn't have to feel strange because I'm not exactly like the "extro" majority. The world desperately needs people with different mindsets and different ways of thinking...and sometimes, that's us

"intros."



And so far as I am concerned, those who don't agree can take a running leap into the nearest mosh pit. (My idea of hell on earth!) LOL

Same here...I am very energized and outgoing with a few close friends or family, but in large groups of people, especially those with whom I have nothing in common or no connection, I am a quiet observer.  I simply have nothing to say in those situations (which most people find odd; they think I'm holding back, which isn't the case!).  I strspamle with this every day at work, in a large department (30 people) where the manager and most others are extremely extravert and want everyone to be talking and socializing constantly.   Since I like space and quiet time, I'm viewed as eccentric and not a team player.  Leave it to extraverts to pass judgments without even knowing a person.  It always helps to get out here and read these postings on my lunch breaks; I'm reminded that we intros are just fine as we are and don't have to try and be anything other than ourselves.  

differences among introverts

[Goat Rancher]

Yes, some of us introverts, can be quite, "spunky', when we're not having to recharge. Introversion, is much more then just the, "recharge", thing.  We may be low-profile, in many ways, but not neccesarily, low-key. I do enjoy my privacy, and my solitude, but these do not exsist in me, as a way to avoid extraverts, and their influence. I'd enjoy these, even if extraverts didn't exsist. I think, "meaningful, purposful, and productive activities, are very stimulating to, and rewarding for, introverts. Although, introverts can be generally viewed, as serious, we are also light-hearted, much of the time. Humorous, and delightful. A breath of fresh air! Most extraverts, who've had dealings w/me, always invite me back for more. They have all voiced, how "in charge", I am, of things. On top of things etc...even, they enjoy my  sense of humor, on my short comings, like having a difficult time remembering peoples names. Truth be known, I AM in charge, and on top of things, in my life. And that's the way it is. -Goat Rancher

[scout64]

I was talking with my counsellor on Tuesday (for those who don't know, I'm suffering from depression and am on sick leave), as she's been trying to get me out of the house at least twice a week by just going down to the shop or just taking a walk etc and I have been extremely unsuccessful in the past, as in my mind there was no meaningful, purposeful, productive or educational reason for me to go the shop. I just could not understand what she (an outie) found so joyful in going out without a purpose! I even went to all the tourist hot spots in London, before or after my sessions and found myself aimlessly wandering around all the places I've been before, thinking what on earth am I doing here. Then on this same day, I said at the end of the session that she and others misunderstand who I am, and confirmed I am an introvert. It was like a bright bulb appeared over her head as she finally understood where I was coming from. Unfortunately, that was at the end of the session, so I came home and went on the internet to watch some animal virals and clicked by accident onto one of the profiles of the submitted viral and saw a link saying introvert, and eventually read the articles mentioned on a different thread and then found this site, listened to the radio hour long interview and watched the CBS interview. What an eye opener! I also felt the light bulb going on over my head as there were finally positive things said about introverts and explanations made on what kind of people we are.

I think there's a full spectrum of introverts and we are all in different areas in that spectrum. I have, through the years, put on quite a good act at being an extrovert out of necessity. This was very exhausting for me and most of the time I felt rather strange and uncomfortable trying to be that outie. So I am able, in some extent, to deal with a large group maybe better than other innies but I sometimes fail where other innies succeed. We are not a monochrome people, there's a lot more to us than outies or even sometimes we understand. I naturally feel comfortable doing things that perhaps other innies would not. I show my light hearted self to some I feel very comfortable with, and hold back with those I don't. Their loss I suppose.

Thank goodness for those differences among us.

[Capt57]

I wonder how many introverts resort to alcohol during times of high social stress? 

[4everme]

I'm new here, and do realize this is an older thread, but it caught my eye.

Things go through phases with me.   There are times I really enjoy company,  close family and friends, but they too can be burdensome at times.  Large crowds aren't a problem for me.  I can be there alone or with a companion, and as far as I'm concerned, we're there  along with a parallel crowd.  Think of a couple of planets in a galaxy.   I really dislike standing in line waiting for anything.   If it's taking too long, I'll just go home, and come back later.

I'm never bored.   I entertain myself quite well.  I have trouble keeping up with more than a few people.   This creates social distress in me, and in them.   I get accused of not caring at times, when nothing could be further from the truth.  I'm extremely absent-minded.   "Really?   It's been that long since I spoke with you last?"   Keeping track of time passiing is very dificult for me.

[scout64]

Welcome to the forum 4everme!

I really understand what you've written. I've been accused by my sister for being distant and removing my self, emotionally, from family situations. Again, that's so far from the truth its laughable. Sometimes I feel I care and understand too much, than what's good from me, and then I get soooo tired I have to remove myself, and take some quiet time.

Only recently I've been able to explain myself to my sisters, and it's helped them understand me just a bit more.

[janl1413]

<P>Sorry if this is a repetitive topic. I am new here.  </P>
<P> </P>
<P>I am currently making my way through this wonderful book.  While most of it describes my experiences,   I am puzzled by the descriptions of introverts as low energy and as enjoying repetitive work that is not too stimulating...as well as being somewhat slow to open up to new experiences etc.</P>

I can relate to having low energy...anytime anything makes me uncomfortable I get low energy and I would suppose that doing something repetitive that is not too stimulating lets us "coast" a little thru life.


<P>I feel instead as if my own energy is very high but is distributed differently than an extrovert's.  I burn out easily around a crowd, or around people whom I don't connect with.  But in small numbers of people (6 or less), I can be in my element and have boundless energy.  In fact, the right kind of people energize me.  Do other introverts experience this?</P>
<P> </P>

I do.  The right kind of people energize me, because they talk about something that interests me or do something that interests me too.


<P>Also, I am easily bored...just like how extroverts are described.  I like new, stimulating things.  Especially work.  If I don't have work that involves thinking and creativity, I become morose.  Can other introverts relate?</P>

What I feel is that I would rather have work to do than not have any.  Working at something interesting energizes me and when I don't have enough work I get to feeling drained.


<P>I know for a fact that I am an introvert..and don't even think I am on the cusp of being intro-extro.  People can burn me out easily.  Parties exhaust me and on occasion I have been unable to muster a "goodnight" because I am depleted.  People often think I am not having a good time.</P>
<P> </P>
<P>To me, it's not a matter of low energy, but of easily losing my center.  When I am centered my energy goes on forever.  Others see me as having energy too.  </P>
<P> </P>
<P>Does anybody have any thoughts about the variable traits among introverts?  </P>
<P>thanks!</P>