Author Topic: Innie/Outie Problems  (Read 10243 times)

Friendlyloner

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Innie/Outie Problems
« on: July 31, 2009, 10:46:52 AM »
Hi all,

I am recently rereading The Introvert Advantage (I haven't read the Introvert/Extrovert in Love) because I am suffering seriously from depression/fatigue and can barely function anymore.

I have a job that requires both excellent introvert and extrovert qualities (which is good because I figure I am about half innie and half outie). It is basically customer service, only I have to dissect information that customers send in and then (for the most part) explain why they don?t have the documentation necessary for us to reduce or completely wipe out the additional amount they owe (yucky in this economy).

I get all of my outie needs met at work, except to have fun. My partner on the other hand (who works at the same place) gets none of his outie needs met at work and constantly wants to go out on the weekends to experience/enjoy life and have fun. He constantly wants to spend time away from home on the weekends except to sleep.

My idea of a good weekend is to putter around my home, cleaning and pursuing my creative hobbies. I have a hard time pursuing my creative activities without having a lot of downtime prior to doing these things (add to this that I am a bit of a perfectionist and want to do things perfectly or not waste my time doing them so I spend a lot of time learning about what I will do before doing it and also imagining myself doing it). My partner on the other hand, can come home from time out on the town or work, and immediately pursue his interests/hobbies without a second thought about it.

To complicate matters a little, we have one child (four yrs of age) for whom I am primarily responsible. Although I don?t resent her, I resent the constant interruptions that come naturally with a child of this age, and I have a hard time concentrating on doing some of the creative activities that refresh me. After six years of going out almost every weekend and four years with a child, I am so exhausted I can?t see straight.

Just as an FYI, my partner is very unwilling to find other friends with whom to pursue his interests and sometimes will hound me until I go out with him to pursue the recreational activities he enjoys.

Any ideas about how to approach this problem would be very helpful to me.

Alex

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Re: Innie/Outie Problems
« Reply #1 on: July 31, 2009, 10:59:29 AM »
Not to rub it in, but this arrangment sounds like hell to me. I never understood the extrovert need to just drop one's bag as soon as one is home and then go out (to have the fun begin) For me my home is a refuge - I want to go home and relax and chill. Like you, I've had plenty of excitement in the day and any more will just make want to boil over.

So, what to do? I think the best thing would be for you to compromise. Any healthy relationship and lasting deal is done when 2 parties can compromise and each offer some taking and giving. How you will do it practically I don't know, but perhaps one possibility is to stay home every other weekend and go out the others. If your partner can not agree to this, I still think you should stand your ground and insist he then goes with somebody else, explaining him that you don't enjoy going out that much and you need your rest(not that I don't think you have already though)

Anyhow, longterm I think your arrangement has to change. For any introvert to be forcibly thrown out to do something is a kind of violation - it can have serious consequences for your sense of wellbeing.

Good luck!

On a completely different note, if you are going to continue to post here, you might want to post under 'New Board' or 'General Discussion'. This category is hardly ever used and thus often overlooked

Friendlyloner

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Re: Innie/Outie Problems
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2009, 07:01:00 PM »
Thanks for your sspamestions. I already had an idea that this would be the response.

Also, thanks for the info about posting to the other discussion area.

radames

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Re: Innie/Outie Problems
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2010, 07:42:07 AM »
I still have yet to buy the Introvert and Extrovert in Love.