Questions that I Strongly Dislike

[Valerie1986]

Why are you so quiet?

Are you always this quiet?

Why don't you talk?

You're shy aren't you?

There are more questions that I dislike, but can not think of at this moment. But, I do not like these questions at all. They are so annoying. When someone asks me any of the questions listed above, my demeanor and body language changes, and I just ignore them. Especially, if they have not had a conversation with me before.

I remember when I was working for a food service company, my manager asked me "are you always this quiet?" After that question he said "Well by the time we are done with you, you are going to be a talker!' I was just standing there with a blank face, because his question and statement was very ignorant to me. I didn't say one word. He basically held a conversation with himself!!!

Do any of you hate these questions?

[Alex]

Imagine somebody asked the opposite to an extrovert and how that would come across ;-)

Why are you so noisy?
Are you always this noisy?
Why do you talk?
You're loud aren't you

[flame]

I actually did say that to a friend a couple of weeks ago and surprise surprise, he didn't like it!
 He is exceptionally loud in his voice, and tends to 'talk' at you, which is really grating to my mind. I don't really know how to handle him. He has ADD and just talks constantly! Does anyone have any experience with people with ADD? Any pointers for how to cope? I can only take him in small doses...sometimes I just wish I could press a button, like on a t.v remote control and turn on the 'mute'!

[Valerie1986]

I actually did say that to a friend a couple of weeks ago and surprise surprise, he didn't like it!

Flame, how did your friend react??? What did he say in response?

[Valerie1986]

Imagine somebody asked the opposite to an extrovert and how that would come across ;-)

Why are you so noisy?
Are you always this noisy?
Why do you talk?
You're loud aren't you

It would come across as rude questions. That is such a double standard.

[flame]

Yeah I guess. I wanted to see how he'd like it! He'd been giving me crap and being insensitive, so I decided to turn it around...probably not the most mature thing, I know, but he was practically yelling right in my ear...and that was just him talking normally!

[flame]

After initially not liking it, he eventually laughed it off calling himself a "jewish grandmother" (he said apparently the stereotype is that jewish grandmothers talk really loud and talk at you not to you!)

[flame]

Is it really as rude? I mean, when someone tells me to speak up and I'm being too quite, that's annoying for me but at least I'm not disturbing their peace of mind by being "too quiet".
 I feel like it is a bit different when someone is speaking soooo loud you feel like your head will explode...it feels intrusive and I'm left with an unpleasant rattling in my head for hours after being in his prescence! At some point don't I have a right to say " that's just way too loud for my brain"?? When someone is having a manic episode, as my friend was, he talked constantly and at a volume that I think most people, extro and intro, would find unnacceptable to their ears! He's not always that loud, but when he is manic, he is unbearable!

[Alex]

Imagine somebody asked the opposite to an extrovert and how that would come across ;-)

Why are you so noisy?
Are you always this noisy?
Why do you talk?
You're loud aren't you

It would come across as rude questions. That is such a double standard.

Indeed - It would come across as rude, intrusive - even coarse - Yet those who utter the opposite think nothing of it when pestering introverts this way - Probably they even think they to some extent are being helpful and charitable

I am continually baffled by some people's inability to accept or tolerate other ways of living than their own - or fathom that some people might not enjoy the same things that they do, hence automatically assuming something must be wrong with them

[Hidden Wolf]

People have asked me those same questions about being quiet and shy. They even laugh how I hide behind someone out of nervousness, probably thinking that I'm trying to be cute. I never respond to those questions  out of annoyance or frustration (I don't see the point). I know there isn't an answer for that except that that my quiet nature is my personality. And I've never asked a loud person why they are loud, just to show that I tolerate their style. Occassionally, I do get annoyed by it, but most of the time, I just don't care. The only thing that does annoy me is that people either act fearfully or try to take advantage of me because I'm quiet and shy. That really hurts my feelings.

I agree with the double standards thing. I don't understand why extroverts don't just accept that we have different priorities and desires than they do as well.

[radames]

I am a rather imposing figure (6'3.5'' 250lbs) and I seem to command respect wherever I go, and I am still quite softspoken.  No one really asks me why I am quiet because I think that they would feel I would kick their butt if they did. 
On the other hand, I think that people would feel really stupid if they didn't get what I was saying so they acted like they knew what I was saying even if they didn't.  I sometimes don't pick up on this but I speak so rarely to others, at least willfully, that I really don't care if they do or not.  I don't find much purpose in interacting with others unless I have a really good reason to do so.  At this point I would keep the communication as direct and short as possible so that I could get back to my original gameplan.

[newmom2008]

I also get told by total strangers to "smile". Which I find rude.

Maybe I am old fashioned, but I prefer that a stranger formally introduce himself, before just interjecting random comments towards me.

I think many extroverts have extremely poor social skills, and bad etiquette.

[Valerie1986]

I also get told by total strangers to "smile". Which I find rude.

New Mom, strangers tell me to smile also. I find that odd, because they clearly do not know me, plus I could be in a bad mood or something. I consider myself to be a happy person regardless of what others see on the exterior.

[flame]

I used to get male strangers telling me to smile all the time...and I had this realisation that it is because THEY are sad and because they associate happiness with smiling, they wanted me to reflect that to them and cheer them up...which I thought was astoundingly rude, as a female, that they thought it was up to me to make them happy...not to mention really dysfunctional!
 Even if that were not the case, and they just wanted to see me smile because I'm female and should therefore please them...it's still really rude! I've had Goths tell me to "cheer up" when I was actually pretty happy, just not smiling.

[flame]

I find it strange how people think that we have to be happy all the time. It's just not realistic. What's wrong with being sad if you're sad or being mad if you're mad and having the facial expressions that go with that. It's only when something tragic happens that others ?llow'a person to be sad or grieve...yet lots of things can happen that will cause a person to grieve, but culturally they're shamed for it! It's so messed up. In the middle east they have public grieving when someone dies and there's no shame in it...